Archive for the ‘General Musings’ Category

these dreams, they’re made of paper butterfly wings

November 15, 2009

It struck me that I haven’t written in awhile. Life’s somewhat settled into a routine. Comfortable, safe, boring. Am recalling those times I felt so alive, and know that while I am a creature of comfort, I seek the occasional adventure. I love the heightened sensations of experiencing a different place for the first time. Instantly, I’m brought back to my memories of exchange, visiting, exploring, hungrily devouring the sights, sounds, the food of each new place. Or back on campus, making a life for myself and just running daily errands – doing the laundry, visiting the grocery, helping out in the kitchen, while 4-5 hungry bellies wait in anticipation as to what our resident chef could whip up. ah, that was what life can be, or should be if I’m not so spoilt here in sg.

I know I need to break free from this complacence, to step up to the mantle and want more out of myself, do the things I want to do, while I am still young and definitely capable of achieving much more. I guess starting’s always tough, but we all need to start somewhere, anyhow. Nevertheless, I’m grateful, to the opportunities I’ve been given, and the friends that I’ve made along the way.


the last straw

May 10, 2008

“The wind picked up the last piece of what’s left of the house and blew it far far away”
Maybe one thing when said too often, becomes real.

Is being busy the new free?

December 10, 2007

Aye pardon the lack of grammatical sense, but I’m back to kick ass!!! The past post-exam weeks have been a whir of absolutely lovely, horrible, boring, infruriating momments rolled up into a sushi. (Did I just say sushi?) Maybe cos I’m craving for some. The rain spoilt most of the plans though, but there were a few major highlights: a pretty damsel-ish cream and pastel blue butterfly sleeves top from far east, board gaming at minds cafe, lamb chop @ botak jones (which was so lip-smackingly delicious I’ve now declared myself a huge fan) and the mad rush of shopping to prep the bf for his euro backpacking trip.

Just sent him off at the airport today, I’m so gonna miss the boy loads!!! I’m partly envious (I wish I cld be packed into his backpack) and partly happy for him too cos I believe that everyone deserves to go on an adventure of their lifetime some time some day. Mine will come soon too, I’m sure of that. =)

Anyway, to make it snappy, I’ve discovered, to my utmost horror, ALL my friends are working this winter break. Even though it is at most a puny 4 wks long. WHY? Well this is not counting those who’re off overseas on their holidays, which makes me ponder, and fret a little about how should I maximize my days such that time will not wisp through my fingers! I want to meet up with everyone I havent seen in ages, exercise loads and get back into shape, but its not fun doing such stuff on your own!

2 weeks till the family trip to yunnan. 2 weeks to recharge, rejuvenate, catch up with the loved ones and rethink about my place in life.

Thrill me to the toes.

August 22, 2007

Life has to be more exciting than this! Sometimes I wonder what I’m missing out on. Just catching the kids on stage, watching them belt out those mandarin pop songs, au naturel. I would love to just sit there in quiet awe, simply enjoying someone’s husky vocals, live. Or experience the andrenaline of being on stage.

Or take a roller coaster ride
Or go hot air ballooning
Or do para-gliding
Or bodyboard again…

Old School (Songs)

June 18, 2007






I think this is one of the most memorable chinese songs yet. Very 90s. =) The melody and lyrics just comes naturally to you and before you know it, you find yourself humming along. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I had always been in a choir, I pretty much stored a treasury of songs in my head over the years. They’re not pop songs though, rather, folk songs in various languages and remnants of their lyrics that’ve somehow stuck with me.

For example, here’s a phrase from an upbeat spiritual gospel song, “siya hum ba ku ka nie ni kuekos, siya hum ba ku ka nie ni kuekos”, translated to mean “We are marching in the light of god” Sung this way back in secondary school, its amazing how I still know how each lyric syllable sounds! And then there are the preennial Singapore NDP favourites like “Di Tanjung Katong”, “Chan Mali Chan” and of course our national anthem which I believe the lower primary school kids (and not only them) massacre every morning, half-asleep, during their assemblies. Ah. Those were the days.

Funnily, try as I might, I cant seem to recall the nj school song (which is also in Bahasa Melayu) -the choir had to sing it every friday at the back of the parade square whilst the school band played beside us, pretty much drowning us out. -_- The rg one eludes me too , but the “National Dream”, the other nj school song, yes, because of its un-intended reference to answering the government’s call for more babies. =p

Just for fun, I shall type what I can remember of these songs we used to sing with (sleepy) pride every morning, after every major school events, celebrations and performance.


School Song
From high olympus flows to us the glory,
on us the sacred fire decends.
Rise sisters rise, the world is all before ye.
Fear not to grasp what fortune sends.

Sisters in Learning, and Sisters at heart
Life lies before you here’s luck to the start.
Hear it Here. Sure brings back some feelings of nostalgia, and there’s this other song we used to sing too.

Filiae Melioris Aevi
Now as we remember,
strains of our school song
Come to mind our motto,
Filiae Melioris Aevi.

Oh and lastly the first line of national dream so you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Building a family, to answer a nation’s calling
Students of old will always be, a beacon in our dreams


May 6, 2007

Sembawang Park
If i could paint a picture of a perfect day… It would be a nice airy morning, a cottage by the sea, and just me walking on the nice white sand along the beach, slowly feeling the warmth seeping into your toes from the sand.

mmm. I’m dreamy. and content. never been so for awhile actually, I have sorta come to understand its futile to fight against yourself, to yearn and wish that things are different. Just… go with the flow and live while you’re doing so.

And I’m glad the boy & I are good together again. The past 2 days have been a lovely traipse accross Singapore, foodie hunt to Blooie’s Roadhouse at Siglap, Beef Kway Teow at Geylang’s Lorong 9, frolicking at the peaceful Sembawang Park, borrowing books & comics from Queenstown’s library. And me going all giggly and out of character last night playing the dice game to my half a pint of Stella Artois, t’was fun, the bf has nice friends.

I finished Tuesdays with Morrie, a heartwarming book, that shares many pertinent life lessons. But I find Morrie’s philosophies on life a tad too good to be true, to me at least. Although I suppose, when you are staring at death in the face your priorities in life become totally different. I am but just your regular cynical urbane soul, filling up my life with material needs and wants, and always in pursuit of something better ahead. Lately however, life has slowed to a really comfortable pace ,owing to my lack of employment.

As usual, I’m getting restless and would love to be interning like the rest of my college mates. BUT for the fact that I have eased into this carefree lifestyle. The tension of opposites, as so aptly named in the book. But not to fret, yes, I’ll definitely keep to my promise of continuing to apply for positions and be enthusiastic about what I’m offered.

2days more

January 10, 2007

zzz. waiting for the dear bf to call. hahah. weird. i’m just addicted, to having our nightly phone conversations before bed. its as though something’s missing if i dont get to do that.

2 days more and i hit the official age of adulthood. i’m still me, but hoping to be less of a drifter in life. Today’s FT class was a sobering one, it opened my mind and eyes as to what its really like in the corporate world. As our instructor stated, the world’s not fair. People with better looks, get ahead. People with good networking skills, get ahead. People who are able to think on their feet, to speak as though they know what they’re talking about, get ahead. Networking, politicking, image, personal branding and such.

One of the main reasons why I chose SMoo (names shall be changed to protect the innocent) was that i knew i’d undergo this sort of polishing, soft skills I know at the momment which I dont have the finesse for, and would come in really handy in the future, be it at the workplace, or just the various relationships you have with people in life.

And i guess yes, my darling self, its right about time i start planning my career. Passion, where art thou? I’ve a feeling that deep down, I might already know my calling, just refusing to accept it for the momment.

and he was called home to be with the lord on christmas day

December 25, 2006

My ah gong passed away tdy. I think it finally hit me when I reached home after the wake, only then I allowed myself to cry. Felt pretty detatched from the whole proceedings at the funeral, I didnt shed any tears there, was just somewhat stoned.

He’s 90, seen alot, led a fulfilling life and contributed to the Hokkien community back in those years. He nearly left us when I was in J1, but he fought on till today. At least he looked at peace lying in the coffin. I was glad for the fact that i had visited him before I left for shanghai, at least he was able to talk to me then. Although his condition had taken a turn for the worse the day before- he wasnt able to move his limbs, but his voice was loud and strong as always.

They distributed the mourning clothes to the entire family. Why do we wear white and black? I wouldnt want white and black, its too depressing. Spent the rest of my time folding paper ingots. There were a few bags full, I think they wanted more, he’s gonna be a rich man, whereever he’s going… Rest in peace, ah gong, you’re finally reuniting with ah mah.


December 9, 2006

The waters return to their beguiling calm, after the storm.
Today’s alright, woke up feeling at peace with myself. The short trip to the YMCA to collect the children’s storybooks left me feeling exausted, I went home and KO-ed on the couch right after. Probably the time of the month approaching again. Darn, it just HAS to hit me when I am going overseas.

Met the clique in town for dinner, its always nice hanging out and catching up with them, relishing that familial comfort. Dinner wasn’t fantastic but the company more than made up for it. jh really says the funniest of things, we always end up laughing ourselves silly. zw sure went through some exciting adventures with the navy, one of the latest being the jungle survival stint. He had to kill and skin a live quail, then barbecue it after. erps. But it sure got me thinking, should there come a day when we are stripped off all our comforts and left with the mere basics of survival, would I bear to do the same? I shudder at the thought, I’d probably starve to death. hc’s found himself a somewhat fulfiling post-army life- working at geox, giving tuition and finding the time to go for carolling practises, and riding lessons. I respect that guy really, always so level-headed and driven, he’ll definitely go far. shaun’s still the same with the lame humour and shopping tendencies. jy looked kinda worn after all that mugging, but she’s still as chirpy as ever. Pity the other girls couldnt come and join us!

We chilled out at rouge’s outdoor cafe after. Loved the music from acid bar, as usual. The vocalist’s damn good. I love her voice ! Everybody go listen on friday nights at acid bar ! Funny thing was, while in the past we were always eager to bring on the alcohol, today, EVERYONE ordered smoothies and mocktails and ale. I think we’ve all mellowed somewhat.

salty rain

December 7, 2006

Not in a gd shape still. my head hurts like hell, and i’m crying again. Funny how he’s never around when I need some comforting, the tv takes precedence over me. I’ve never been this emotional when I was younger. I think I’ve cried like n times more in the past few months than in my pre-uni life combined.